First Year as a Mom

February 7, 2025, I gave birth to my first child, Tristan Lee. His existence, birth, and both of our survivals was truly a God-thing. Read more here.

A child's relationship with his/her mother can be special, should be special, yet it is not always filled with peaches and roses. Sometimes the relationships are really thorny and troublesome. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." That verse carries weight for me — both as a daughter reflecting on my own upbringing and as a new mom learning what it means to lead and nurture Tristan well.

I learned that not everything is as it seems and most mothers (including mine) are doing their very best. Full stop.

It was easy for me as a child to say what my mom could have done or should have done, and I did. But true forgiveness is letting go and trusting God with my future. Colossians 3:13 says, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." There was a mom I desired to be, but overcompensation for my past does not equal healing. I had to do the heart work — forgive, forgive again, talk through why I was hurt or bothered by certain events, and accept that while the past cannot be changed, people can change. As 2 Corinthians 5:17 declares, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

Now, with a 15-month old, I have learned a few things that I'd like to share, especially with first-time moms.

1. Things Will Not Go as Planned

I'm Type A — you could probably add a few +++ after that. Motherhood has stretched how I see the world so much. Honestly, I didn't know it was possible to be stretched this much — feeling frustrated and so in love at the same time.

My pregnancy went well. I was able to do many things I desired — baby showers, travel, maternity photos, having Tris' room painted…

Then, at our 39-week appointment, we learned that I should be induced. That was not a part of the plan. I thought I would go into labor naturally, birth vaginally, be able to easily breastfeed, and that he would start sleeping through the night around 4 months… none of those things happened.

I questioned my capability and worked through feelings of failure. My c-section was my first surgery and it was tough. Psalm 34:18 was a lifeline in those moments — "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." Then add to the journey that Tristan was born low birth weight at full term, had multiple ear infections, and was allergic to the protein in milk — which took four months to diagnose.

For a while I blamed myself for not figuring out the milk protein allergy sooner. I know, I know… I am not a doctor and I am not perfect and this is my first child. Yet what I learned is that I cannot stop asking questions. My husband Jon has been such a gift in this — I love to dive deep into articles and Instagram posts about all things baby/toddler, and sometimes I can get wrapped up in an idea and miss the bigger picture. I am so glad he questions me when I do.

In it all, God gave me and my husband strength, wisdom, and boldness to question what was being told to us by medical professionals and the many books and blogs I was reading. James 1:5 promises, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." As I know better, I am doing better. Tristan is my child, but as Psalm 127:3 reminds me, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." He is truly God's child — and I am called to steward his upbringing with excellence, love, correction, wisdom, and grace.

2. Time Flies

Time really, really flies by. I know the nights seem like they last forever, or even the screams. Yes, it's tough — you're in the trenches. Full stop.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 puts it so well — "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." My friend, while each phase may not be enjoyable, embrace each season because it may fly by faster than you expect.

I still remember holding Tristan when he was first born. Now, he is running around the house, independent, eating what he wants, and loving to hang with his dada. Soon he will be talking, and while I am excited, other moms have told me to enjoy this season — because once he starts, he probably will talk my ear off and ask five million questions.

3. Life is Better in Community

The newborn trenches were rough for us. Tristan was born low birth weight. There were tons of questions about his weight and future development. Gastro issues. Ear issues.

And I know I made it because of community. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says it plainly — "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

Pam — Queen of Community

My sister-in-law was (and is) the queen of community. During a super vulnerable time, she learned how to support us without crowding us. She could hear and see when we needed coffee, or someone to hold Tris so we could shower or take a nap, or just someone to listen. It was an added blessing that she is a short 45-second drive away.

Kaylyn — The Resourceful Friend

I met Kaylyn through work, yet she has been a blessing. While her child is a few years older than Tris, she remembered the newborn trenches all too well. After many of our conversations, I would receive a text from her with a link to a resource — from her personal experiences to knowing others' journeys. She was a supportive resource I needed more than I knew.

Tierra — The Calm, Listening Friend

Tierra is an amazing aunt to Tristan. She comes to hang out with Tris with a smile and a calmness I needed more times than not. Too often I just needed to talk, and she was there to listen — I always treasured our adult conversations.

Tamia — The Mom to Moms Friend

Tamia is Tristan's Goddie. She has +30 years of childcare experience and loves children deeply. When I think about the basics — the many items stationed in my living room and his bedroom — so many of them came from Tamia. She knew when to send more diapers and formula and what toys would be needed next. I love when she joins us for lunch because she can care for Tristan and hold a full conversation with me at the same time. And I am so appreciative that she thinks not only of her godson but also of me — the mom. When he was one month old, she came and spent a week with us — loving on him and caring for me.

Tristan's Tribe

Tristan is so loved. There are countless people who have poured into my motherhood journey — check-ins, prayers, words of encouragement, baby items, listening through the highs and lows. I remember Raegan watching him on his first Easter, Amy being the best night nanny we could have prayed for, his school and nursery teachers who love him like their own, Dionne who understands my Type A personality and helps me process the journey, church family who keep us covered in prayer and lots of love, Allison who spoils Tristan with lots of love and the best presents, nephew Ty who ensures we make it in the church building with all bags, and family who traveled to celebrate with us on multiple occasions. And I am so thankful for my friends who have remained my friends, while they love Tristan, they keep Tristan’s mama a priority.

I know everyone doesn't have a Pam, Kaylyn, Tierra, Tamia, or a Tristan's Tribe. Yet I pray that moms would be vulnerable enough to allow community to support them. Galatians 6:2 calls us to it — "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

Moms, you are valuable and you have purpose. Find at least 5 minutes every day to meditate on God's Word. Joshua 1:8 instructs us to “This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” Trust God through the diaper changes, the multiple feedings, the countless doctor appointments, the screaming and tantrums, the throwing of food, and the ongoing work of caring for yourself and your husband.

God is with you every second of the day. And as Jeremiah 29:11 promises, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

If I can be a resource or pray with you along your journey, I am here!!

Chelsi

Chelsi, Tristan, and Pastor Jon — Mother’s Day 2026